I want to scream!

It's not that I haven't seen Him, it's not that He hasn't trained and disciplined me. It's not that He hasn't complimented me on how well I am progressing nor that He hasn't taken me over His knee and spanked me ... hard. It's not that He hasn't bound me with His ropes, pulled tight so that the marks fade slowly over the coming day. It's not that He hasn't clamped my nipples and my labia ... so hard that I almost orgasm on the spot.

It's not that He hasn't used me, played with me, toyed with me, exploring and owning every part of my body. It's not that He hasn't brought me to orgasm or that He hasn't held me in His iron clasp and made me cum again and again until exhausted and drained I collapse against Him. It's not that I haven't had the chance to sit at His feet and rest my head against His knee until He wishes me to serve Him again.

I have had all that... and more... and delighted in every second of it. I love Him deeply. I have sought in vain for a word to describe the way I feel more strongly: 'love' does not seem to touch the breadth and scale of how I feel. It is too small a word, just one sylable to describe emotions that are impossible to contain within my body; that spill over and shine out through my eyes and face: a radiance that even a passerby cannot fail to notice.... and yet I have a deep craving for more...

It has been promised in the past and I know it is to come, but I need it now! My body, my very being, is pent up and needs the cathartic release. I feel out of sorts with the world. I need to dance and writhe for Him, I need to scream and cry and sob for Him, I need to be in that place where pain and pleasure explode together and nothing else exists. I need His whips and canes and flogger...

For now the screams are silent in my head. He will decide. It will be when the time, the place, the state of mind are right for Him. I trust Him. He knows me better than I know myself, when it is right for Him, then it will be right for me too... I know that: I tell myself a hundred times a day, but right now... I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!

Velvet <3

His shirt

He didn't mean to, but he left His shirt behind. I found it in the morning when I rose, adorning one of the bed knobs. I held it to my face, inhaling the lingering scent, a smile radiating across my face. I always seek out the faint traces that he leaves in His departing wake: the warm dip in the pillow: the glass that His lips so recently touched: the towel that wrapped His body after the shower. A shirt is treasure indeed, and I hug it to me until at last I too must leave the house.

It's there when I return. In the evening I slide into it, revelling in having Him wrapped around me. Held once more in His embrace I relax and smile. My mind wanders to the memories of the night before and I am happy.

I am never happier than when I am His: never happier than when I freely submit to Him and willingly serve Him. The moments of the evening fade in my mind, what remain are the deep emotions. I inhale deeply and close my eyes. I feel Him still in my mouth: taste Him on my tongue, I crave Him deeply. In my mind I am kneeling before Him once more. He is using my mouth, owning every part of me and every part of me wants to be His and to worship Him.

My heart swells in my chest, my body is no longer able to contain the emotions. Even as I smile I feel the silent tears making rivulets down my cheeks. I hug His shirt around me closer, sinking deeper into His loving embrace; sinking deeper into my bittersweet dreams.

I feel the bonds around my arms, the burning sear of the crop across my cheeks, the unrelenting bite of the clamps on my nipples, the tightening of the leather at my throat; and through it all the aching passion burning between my legs. My body will tell Him no lies: just lying here with my dreams it does not lie. Though I crave release, I do not touch. My body is His property and not my own.

I pull His shirt up over my face, smothering myself in the last of His lingering scent. Less than a day and I already miss Him so deeply. In my dreams I call to Him: "Come back soon. Own me again and make me come alive." And together we sink down into bittersweet dreams.

Velvet <3